I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Text me some of your sweat
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
