My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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