I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
