if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
