I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
