I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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