when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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