sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
