That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
