12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
