I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
are you so shy because you have an std?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
