dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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