I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
