Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
