He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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