I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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