Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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