We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
