I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
