So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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