i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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