terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
