I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
