I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
