If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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