i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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