My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
