Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
