id be glad to
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Even my vagina gasped.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
