Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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