I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There are leaves in my underwear?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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