I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
