How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
