did you get engaged???
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
