My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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