Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
