I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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