so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
In America we eat man semen.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
