his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
