i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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