I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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