Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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