'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We were destined to go to rehab together
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
