He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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