1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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