i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
