I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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