Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
