I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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