I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
