um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
