You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
